I have gone through my own soul cleansings, purgings and life lessons to come to this place of harmony and balance. I have been gifted with many talents to help others.
From a child I saw and sensed things beyond the natural senses, and my dreams often came true. I never took responsibility for the unusual things happening to me, but once I began frequenting churches and prayer groups it became clear to me that a force greater than myself was at work within me. I found myself quickly damaged at the tender age of thirteen by the spiritual leaders that I followed. It has truly taken me years of confusion and pain to understand that I have a personal and free relationship with the Creator, God -- the Life Force that moves throughout us all. My pain grew so great in this life that I allowed myself to become cut off from that flow of energy.
After college, I came home, got married, and had two children. I gave up my own thoughts and feelings and allowed my husband to dominate me in the same way the church had. I was confused. The more I allowed this man to control me, the more I died. I became a battered wife. My weight shot up to 210 lbs, and I was drinking all of the time. I WAS IN HELL. I decided to give the church another chance in the hopes that I had been wrong, but instead I began to experience the struggle between my true self, which I knew was good and wholesome, and the control by fear and guilt from the pulpit. I left.
Finally, on May 15, 1990, I took a good long look at myself. I saw my battered, swollen face and body; my eyes were dead. My children were in their rooms afraid that I was going to die, and my husband was in jail for beating me. So I repented as I'd been taught, believing that I'd committed a sin by allowing my life to turn out this way. But still I was not happy; I had stopped smiling a long time ago, and I was not in love. So I simply forgave myself and started over --and what happened next was a feeling of intense joy, and a love that I could not explain. Although the constrictive methods of the church had not been able to relieve my suffering, I believe now that the simple act of forgiving myself sent my Christ Light breaking through the darkness of my soul.
Having the courage to go through and succeed in the many subsequent challenges I faced gave me this realization: the desire within my desire was to survive, AND to still love. And I believe that LOVE CAN SURVIVE.
Today I speak to you as a person that’s done it, and as someone who continues to focus on the treasure chest inside that gets me through each day in the best way possible.